As I am sitting here trying for the tenth time to write another post on my blog, I have to face my 16 month old son screaming for attention. It could trigger so many emotions in a for different parents, for me, as much as it can be frustrating to always be interrupted and having to leave most things unfinished, it is constant reminder of how grateful I am to God, and science, for giving me the opportunity to be a mother, to carry not one, but two babies in my womb.
This is my absolute personal take, on how I see and feel the IVF process. I am a true believer that science is also a tool that God gave us. God uses many tools to perform miracles, and IVF for me, is one of them.
Wouldn't you think the same about cures for other illnesses, or treatments that help you archive a better quality of life?
I know this is somewhat of a controversial topic to many christians, and each of of them have valid points. But whatever your side on this is, always try to think from the core of our believes, which comes from LOVE.
From my personal experience, the way I managed it in my set of believes, was as simple as, making sure I had permission from God for my plans. That meant, a lot a prayer, and asking for signs and path enablement.
What I call " Path Enablement" is, when things go smoothly, without much trouble, to me it speaks God is on my side and is opening the path to continue. To give you some examples: we needed to have enough heath insurance coverage for our process, and when we started the process, we have saved some money but that would not cover the full costs out of pocket. So we prayed to God, and said "if it is your will that we start this IVF process", we will do it without having to get into debt.
So when we started the process and spoke with the financial advisor, we realized if we had green light or not. And don't get me wrong it served multiple purposes, but to me trusting that meant, if God was agreeing with us doing it, he will open the doors, to do it the way that seemed right for us, was a BIG sign.
As we started the process, there was always the fear of failure, doctors openly talk to you about chances, possibilities and percentages, and it takes a lot of faith to go into a process where the odds seem against you, with such significant investment.
But regardless, we trusted that there was not right or wrong outcome, whether we walked away from the hospital with a baby, or not, was going to be perfectly fine, because God was in control, and it was going to be his will that prevailed at the end.
I remember I just prayed all the time, and one of my biggest asks was, please God, don't allow us to go through a miscarriage, I would rather have a failed cycle, or an embryo not stick, than go over the happiness of experiencing a positive test result, just to go over a miscarriage. Please, please Lord, save me that heartache, I don't think we will be able to take it. Although out the process, that was our main ask.
I had just one stimulation cycle, from where they retrieved a good amount of eggs, (I honestly don't recall how many specifically they were, I am pretty sure it should be in my Youtube channel but I believe they were 19 eggs) from which 16 of them fertilized and 11 made it to viable embryos.
For both of my IVF procedures, I had made the conscious decision of doing just 2 attempts of embryo transfer. If I had not archived a successful pregnancy with that, then I will have understood it as a no go from God. I want to be super clear, that was my personal relationship and belief with God, each person is different and communicates and believes differently.
Both of my pregnancies were archived on the very first attempt.The first time we transferred 2 embryos, from which only one embryo resulted in pregnancy, and for my second pregnancy we decided to transfer just one embryo, given all the risks involved due to my pregnancy history with my first born.
Another thing we decided based on faith, was not to choose the gender of the baby, we wanted to keep the process as "natural" as possible, as strange as it might sound. But above all, we felt not equipped to make a decision of such dimension, so we left it to God.
We obviously did the ultrasound to find out the gender in due time, and we were exited every time. I have to admit, I secretly wanted a girl the first time, and I got the most perfect, beautiful, kind and loving girl, I could not ever imagined could exist. And for my our second pregnancy, we were blessed with a baby boy, so we actually got to the couple and got to experience both genders, how awesome is that?
Each pregnancy had its own set of complications, and difficulties, but we remained calm and kept praying to God for a heathy baby, and the delivered.
Each of my kids are a miracle on it's own, to me, if God wouldn't have allowed it, IVF would have failed, I would have gone through one cycle and call it a day, or a set of embryo transfers and call it a day. I can not tell you how I would have felt, if God's will would have been different. But I can tell you that it is so worth trusting that he has everything under control, and that regardless of the outcome, he makes no mistakes. Not a leaf would fall to the ground without him allowing it.